Deinstitutionalizing Marriage
Tags: gay marriage.
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What possible harm can there be to marriage if same-sex couples are permitted to participate? So goes the question we hear very often in this debate – meaning, of course, that if one of my gay friends were to get married, would it have any affect on my marriage to my wife? The answer, of course, is none at all – we’re not going to get divorced, or even have a lover’s quarrel, if gay person gets married. It would seem, then, that the problem is solved – since it won’t harm me, by all means, go ahead and get married gay people. The problem, though, is that while I am married, marriage doesn’t belong to me – it is not something for me to dispose of. When I got married, it wasn’t me taking charge of marriage, but me voluntarily submitting myself to the institution of marriage, and all that it entails.
In our modern society, we are very I orientated – I want this, I want that, I won’t do that, I will do the other. Such attitudes suffuse our popular culture – you can hardly go an hour on a popular music station without coming across some song which will proclaim that no one has a right to tell me what to do and I’ll do what I darn well please. Institutions fare poorly in debates with individuals – it always seems more reasonable for the institution to bow before the odd request of the individual than for the individual to bow before the dictates of the institution. In our I-centered culture, this fact has just become more pronounced. I want to get married, says the gay man – and the expectation is that the institution of marriage will conform to the demand of the individual; and, why not? It has already bowed to the individual in that every day there is a person saying I want a divorce and, poof, there is a divorce. So, why not, poof, is there is gay marriage? Because wisdom dictates that if you’ve made one horrendous error, you don’t fix it by making a second such error.
There has been noted in recent surveys of public attitudes that the younger generation is far less patient with the easy divorce we’ve become accustomed to in the modern west. There is a feeling that people should make it work – a bit more elbow grease, as it were, rather than a swift retreat to “irreconcilable differences”. This unsurprising given that the rising generation is made up of a very large number of people who were victims of parental divorce. After dealing, themselves, with the idiocy of joint custody and endless battles over child support and visitation, the feeling is growing that if the folks had just been a bit more adult about things, a whole lot of trouble could have been avoided. We’re finding that the corrective to a bad marriage isn’t found in bending the institution to the individual, but in bending the individual to the institution.
When I got married, I promised my wife and God that I would stick with this through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, all the days of my life. This was me entering the institution of marriage – a full-fledged adult in complete command of his mental faculties, there is no question that I knew what I was getting in to. For me to even contemplate no longer being married to my wife, there would have to be something which would render me no longer bound by the promise I made to my wife and my God. Such a thing would have to be a very grave matter – not some light and transient thing; and the thing rendering the promise null would have to be something done to me, not something I did. I’m bound by my promise until released from it by those to whom I made the promise – and this is even the case during those times, which come in all marriages, where things aren’t all sweetness and light.
When we said once upon a time that marriage isn’t a promise but, instead, just a temporary agreement to live together, we did what we had not the competance to do – we changed the institution of marriage. Those who wrote the laws and rendered the court judgements which allowed for “no fault” divorce were akin to a county commission writing a law supposedly binding upon the whole of the United States. As I said, I don’t own marriage – and neither does anyone else. It isn’t our property: its something we do per its rules, or don’t do at all. Think of marriage as a national park – it is owned by those who came before, those alive now, and those who will live in the future. It is something to be passed down from generation to generation and a precious gift, not like some bauble to be used or sold as the mood strikes.
Marriage, as an institution, is a thing designed for the propagation of both our species and our civilization. It regularises the relations between the sexes and clearly defines who is responsible for the upbringing of which children. It is central to our existence – but it is also a purely voluntary thing. We don’t have to participate if we don’t want to. But if we do choose to join in, then there are ground rules we must adhere to (ie, no sexual straying; responsible use of resources for the good of the whole family, etc, etc, etc.). The problem with gay marriage isn’t that two people of the same sex are getting together – they are doing that, already, with no ill effects on marriage – but that gay sex doesn’t conform to the needs of marriage.
Marriage, as I’ve said, isn’t a personal possession but, instead, is something which exists for a societal purpose and which has certain rules which are designed to support the reason for its existence. Adding same-sex couples to marriage would be an unsupportable alteration to marriage – it would be to make marriage something other than what it is supposed to be. It isn’t about a fancy wedding ceremony; it isn’t about tax benefits – heck, it isn’t even about love! Its about forming the building block of our society – a man and a woman coming together with at least the potential of having children in keeping with the purpose of the institution of marriage. Easy divorce cripples this fundamental role of marriage, and gay marriage would, too.
There are various purposes assigned to gay marriage – to get same-sex couple certain tax and inheritence benefits associeated with marriage; to make homosexuality more acceptable in the larger society; to affirm homosexuals in their lifestyle. Even if we were to suppose all of these to be admirable purposes, the plain fact of the matter will remain that none of them are part of the purpose of marriage. We don’t have marriage for tax purposes, we don’t have marriages to become socially acceptable and we don’t have marriages because they make us more accepted – we have marriages in order to serve the vital purpose of continuing our species while at the same time continuing our civilization. Go into marriage and you must do what marriage commands, not what you might prefer (though a wise man always works on getting his desires to match the needs of his marriage) – just as if you went into the institution of the Army you would have to do what the Army wants, not what you want.
Rather than adding gay marriage to the mix and further deinstitutionalising marriage, it is time for us to actually start attacking the easy divorce we have these days. We tore down a lot of the building blocks of our society over the past 60 years and it is time to turn the tide, not go with the (destructive) flow.
HAT TIP: First Things for getting me thinking on this.
Thank you for visiting Blogs For Victory. If you enjoy our content, please consider making a donation to help us cover the costs of our servers.Mark Noonan is co-author (with Matt Margolis) of Caucus of Corruption: The Truth About The New Democratic Majority. He also blogs at Nevada News and Views. Follow Mark on Twitter.
307 Responses to “Deinstitutionalizing Marriage”
Caucus of Corruption
“Larger longitudinal studies of same sex parents, particularly gay men, are needed, including those who choose to become parents through the use of assisted reproduction.”
Oh, and understand, Dorothy Greenfield only registered this as an opinion, its not a study. Is she lesbian? LOL. Opinions are like aholes they say, everyone has one.
NARTH, founded in 1992, is composed of psychiatrists, psychologists, certified social workers, professional and pastoral counselors and other behavioral scientists, as well as laymen from a wide variety of backgrounds such as law, religion, and education.
Narth is hundreds of people dear….how poor of you to assume such things!!
There is no published study that has ever sought a random population of reorientation therapy clients to assess treatment success rates,” Dr. Nicolosi said.
“However, we have plenty of supportive, anecdotal reports — including the Spitzer study, which found 200 men and women who had changed orientation; a body of older research, now largely forgotten in the current political climate; and my own, more recent research, co-authored with Byrd and Potts and published in the peer-reviewed journal Psychological Reports. This study found over 850 people who reported substantial success in changing the unwanted attractions that do not, they believe, represent ‘who they really are.’”
Reorientation…is something you know very little about Diana, its best for you not to raise that issue.
Parenting & Family
Link: Spanish Clergyman Investigated For Encouraging Heterosexual Child Development
The Family in the New Millennium: An Overview of the Books, the Need, and the Purpose
Poly Pride Week Celebrated In New York City
Link: Science, Myths And Same-Sex Parenting
Link: Foster Child To Be Taken Away Because Christian Couple Refused To Teach Him About Homosexuality
Secular/Socialist Government Of Spain Introduces Gay Civic Lessons For Children
Lesbian Couple Sues Fertility Doctor For One Child Too Many
Link: If Two Parents Are Good For Children, Aren’t Three Better?
Link: Same-Sex Marriage And The Fate Of Religious Liberty
Review Of Research On Homosexual Parenting, Adoption, And Foster Parenting
Matchmaking Service Sued For “Sexual Orientation Discrimination”
California Gay Couple Wins Settlement Against Arizona-Based Adoption Web Site
Link: New Statistics Available: Rates of Divorce in Same-Sex Marriage
Link: Book Review: Our Marital Failure
Link: On Natural Law and Same-Sex Marriage, by Dr. Harry Jaffa
Link: Archbishop opposed to same-sex unions is threatened
Review of the study: “Adjustment And Parenting In [Dutch] Lesbian-Parent Families” Bos, H. M. W., van Balen, F, and van den Boom, D. C., (2007). American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, Vol 77, No. 1, 38-48.
PFLAG Of Indiana Urges Legislature To Defeat Marriage Amendment
Gay Coalition In Hong Kong Issues Report On Homosexual Domestic Violence
Link: “Natural Family” Called Derogatory Term
Link: ‘State interest’ argued in teaching homosexuality
Michigan Court Rules Against Domestic Partner Benefits
Dr. Byrd Provides Testimony In English Court Case Regarding Same-Sex Adoption
Focus On The Family’s Dr. James Dobson Defends Mother-Father Family
Link: Ontario Court’s Perilous Decision Recognizes Three Parents
The Deconstruction Of Marriage And Family
Former Head Of APA’s Division 44 Speaks On Psychology Of Lesbian And Gay Family Life
Ireland Court Rules Against Canadian Gay Marriage
Scotland Forbids Nurses To Use ‘Mum’ Or ‘Dad’ In Health Care
Link: Gay Donor or Gay Dad?
Retired Pediatric Anesthesiologist Questions Accuracy Of AAP Article On Gay Marriage And Children
Marriage Expert Wonders If Same-Sex Marriage Activists Have Admitted Too Much
Same-Sex Marriage Decision Issued By New Jersey Supreme Court
New Evidence Found for Childhood Family Factors Influencing Sexual Orientation
Creating Fatherless Families
Marriage Law Foundation Provides Legal Reasoning To Defend Traditional Marriage
Court Upholds Man-Woman Marriage In California
Same-Sex Marriage Debate Fueling Calls For Multiple Parenting, Polyamory And Polygamy
Link: “Beyond Gay Marriage”
Link: Gays expand battlefield
High Court In UK Rules Against Canadian Same-Sex Marriage
Washington Supreme Court Upholds State’s Ban On Gay Marriage
Court Rules On Same-Sex Marriage In Connecticut
Marriage Safe In The Empire State
New York And Georgia Courts Uphold Traditional Marriage
Arkansas Supreme Court Rules In Favor Of Gay Foster Parenting
Canadian Psychiatrist Finds Major Flaws In Anthony Bogaert’s Study Of Gay Brothers
Do Mothers Create Gay Sons In The Womb?
‘The Advocate’ Features Cover Story On Gay Polygamy
The Uses of Privacy
‘Los Angeles Times’ Examines Life In San Francisco’s Castro District For Children
NARTH Quoted On WorldNetDaily Over Gay Adoption Controversy
‘Boston Globe’ Columnist Concerned Over Freedom Of Conscience And Gay Adoption
Boston Archdiocese Drops Adoption Program Over State Law
States To Grapple With Adoption Policy
Advice Columnist Recommends Gay Youth Counseling Programs For Parents
British Government Officials Erasing ‘Marriage’ In Documents
Haworth Press Reconsiders Publishing Pro-Pedophile Book
The Haworth Press Publishes Book Promoting Pederasty
Tips For Parents Who Are Struggling With A Child’s Homosexuality
Feminist Psychologist’s New Book Defends Lesbian Families
Researcher Surveys Studies On Gay Parenting And Children
Woman Reared In Same-Sex Household Speaks Out Against Gay Marriage
Dual-Gender Parenting: Optimal Child Rearing
Gender Complementarity and Child-rearing: Where Tradition and Science Agree
Review Of Research On Homosexual Parenting, Adoption, And Foster Parenting
‘Dear Abby’ Recommends PFLAG And Transgender Resources To Troubled Parent
Psychiatrist’s Expert Testimony Rejected By Arkansas Judge
Children Need Both A Mother And A Father
National Mental Health Association Publishes Parents Guide On Sexual Orientation/Prejudice
Father Hunger and Homosexuality
A Boy, His Two Mothers, And Psychosexual Development
Ex-Gay Group Urges Congressional Support For Former Gays
Judges Rule In Favor Of Lesbian Partner as “Dad”
What’s To Become Of Children In Gay Marriages?
AMA Endorses Same-Sex Adoptions
Flawed Studies Used For Promoting Same-Sex Marriage, Says Policy Institute
NPR Guests Evaluate Impact of Gay Parents On Children
Massachusetts Begins Issuing Marriage Licenses To Gay Couples
Polyamorists Want Rights, Too
Dr. Jeffrey Satinover Testifies Before Massachusetts Senate Committee Studying Gay Marriage
Link (PDF): What the social science research says about gay parenting
Professional Pediatrics Group Discourages Gay Parenting
A Shared Delight
Do Gay Parents Influence the Sexual Preferences of Children?
The Binary Nature of Marriage: The Point of Two
Australian Leaders Work To Preempt Gay Marriage Attempts
Is This Diversity, Or Tragedy? Children as Victims of their Parents’ Choices
Divorce Rate in Same-Sex Partnerships In Sweden
Recent Legal Changes Closely Follow Positions Taken by the Mental Health Professions
Doctors Endorse Gay Adoption
Excerpt of A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality
Gay Mentors for Fatherless Boys
The World According to PFLAG: Why PFLAG and Children Don’t Mix
Oh, did I mention those are NARTH?
This is only from the Parenting and Family section of the psychological issues. They deal with Medical, Social and Political Issues as well.
You really dont know NARTH at all dearie.
Students flee forced gay agenda.
That’s what parents all across this country need to do, is get all their kids out of these Demonic brainwashing centers.
~ Jeremiah
and Diana, you REALLY should read this one;
Review Of Research On Homosexual Parenting, Adoption, And Foster Parenting
by George A. Rekers, Ph.D., Professor of Neuropsychiatry & Behavioral Science,
University of South Carolina School of Medicine,
Columbia, South Carolina
http://www.narth.com/docs/RationaleBasisFinal0405.pdf
Even the Supreme Court agreed with this guy.
Twenty-five lesbian mother families and 38 families headed by a single heterosexual mother were compared with 38 two-parent heterosexual families.
Wow! Sixty-three “families”. Now that’s a real representative scientific sample size — NOT! I wonder how the study proponents “picked” those handful of “families”.
Children in fatherless families experienced more interaction with their mother, and perceived her as more available and dependable than their peers from father-present homes.
Now there’s a real winner. Considering there is no father, of course the children interacted “more” with their mother, and “perceived” her as more [the only] parent available!
Mothers raising their child without a father reported more severe disputes with their child than did mothers in father-present families.
Obviously, no father figure. We have the “good” cop spoiling the child but no “bad” cop to say “no” and provide some discipline.
boys in father-absent families showed more feminine but no less masculine characteristics of gender role behavior.
More feminine… but no less masculine? That’s a real trick!!!
“does not seem”… “no evidence”… etc. Looks like there’s little or nothing the study proponents are willing to stick their necks out on this one!
Too bad they didn’t provide the information about the number of single mother “families” drawing welfare or some form of government entitlements or assistance! It would be interesting how “normal” those children are in their mid-30’s!!!
What we need are some good Conservative doing the studies.
AAR
In 1999, Fergusson and his colleagues19 reported on a 21-year longitudinal study of a birth
cohort of 1265 children born in New Zealand. 2.8% were classified as homosexual based on their
reported sexual orientation or sexual partnerships. Data were gathered on a range of psychiatric
disorders from age 14 to 21 years. Homosexuals had significantly higher rates of major depression,
generalized anxiety disorder, conduct disorder, nicotine dependence, other substance abuse and/or
dependence, multiple disorders, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts. 78.6% of homosexuals
compared to 38.2% of heterosexuals had two or more mental disorders, a statistically significant
difference. 71.4% of homosexuals experienced major depression compared to 38.2% of
heterosexuals. 67% of homosexuals reported suicidal ideation compared to 28.0% of heterosexuals.
And 32.1% of homosexuals reported a suicide attempt compared to 7.1% of heterosexuals.
wow
sure glad you started this stuff Diana, people really need to know about the truth!!